officialunitedstates:

me:  goes to lowes

lowes man:  how can I help you son

me:  first of all I am not your son.  second of all im only here because I love the thick stench of wood fibers and industrial chemicals

mathsturbation:

were u not hugged as a child

(Source: iraffiruse)

moritzsstiefel:

my mom just came into my room and noticed my desktop background and said

“oh that’s so cute i think i recognize it from somewhere did you draw that when you were younger?”

mom

image

(Source: adamshankman)

(Source: feyminism)

caseyanthonyofficial:

This was one of the funniest jokes in film history

(Source: georgia-costanza)

(Source: taco-bell-rey)

unpopuler:

eating healthy sounds like a great idea until you start to miss your favorite junk foods

pepahh:

this gets me so hard

apparently this was johnny and winona seeing each other for the first time after they broke up or something

(Source: becauseitsjohnnydepp)

(Source: fauxpasdreams)

"Sometimes I wish I was 29 with my life figured out & sometimes I wish I was 5 with my whole life ahead of me and not a care in the world"

Reyna Biddy (via alexaism)

(Source: kushandwizdom)

combeferret:

yo but this says so much about rape when a woman would literally rather be around a murderer than a rapist

(Source: wesleyaccola)